8 February 2019 | Male Escort Melbourne
‘The 5 Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts’ is a book written by pastor and counsellor, Dr Gary Chapman, to help people better understand their partner/spouse, and to have better relationships. He has also wrote a few other books on the subject.
These books explore an interesting concept, the ‘Love Languages,’ and have been often in the top 100 sellers on amazon.com, and high in the New York Times bestsellers list.
I have recently read (well, not read, I perhaps cheated a little on this one and listened to it as an audiobook) ‘The 5 Love Languages: The Secret To Love That Lasts,’ and found it to be quite interesting.
Through his work as a marriage counsellor, the author has not only helped many people, but also learned a lot more about relationships along the way. The book talks about the theory that we all speak a lot of ‘love languages,’ and that each of us has a ‘primary love language.’
Just as in linguistics, or language, there are numerous dialects; So too there are different ‘Love Languages.’
With language, we each learn our primary language, and generally speak and understand our primary language the best, even if we learn other languages.
The same too goes with love languages. According to this concept, we each speak and understand our primary love language the best, when it comes to giving and receiving love.
Based on our unique psychological make up, as well as our environmental factors growing up, everyone can have a different love dialect, which are a part of the five main ‘love languages.’
Dr Gary Chapman has found that, according to this concept, when a marriage or relationship isn’t working, it is because the two lovers are speaking different ‘love languages.’
We tend to speak our own primary love language, and our spouse speaks a different love language. This can cause us to feel unloved, which can make us love a little less – which makes our partner feel unloved, and the cycle gets worse and worse.
Once we know our lover’s primary love language, we can begin to speak to them in their own love language, which makes for a better relationship, and long lasting love.
So, what are the 5 Love Languages?
1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality time
3. Receiving gifts
4. Acts of service
5. Physical touch
Let’s break them down a little, shall we..
- Love language number 1 – Words of affirmation
This can include:
Verbal compliments – Telling our spouse that we appreciate things that they do, and things about them
‘‘Mark Twain once said, ‘I can live for two months on a good compliment.’ “
– Gary Chapman
Encouraging words – Proper encouragement requires empathy, and seeing the world from your lover’s perspective, to know what they really want, and thus to be able to encourage them.
Kind words – The manner in which we speak is important. An ancient sage once said, ‘A soft answer, turns away anger.’ Kind and loving words speak wonders.
- Love language number 2 – Quality time
Sharing thoughts, feelings, and desires,
Spending pure quality time together, with no interruptions, and having our focus solely on each other.
- Love Language number 3 – Receiving Gifts
Part of the love/marriage process in all the world’s cultures, for thousands of years, had been the giving and receiving of gifts.
Gifts don’t need to be expensive. They are a physical token of friendship, and of love. Gifts can be bought, made, or be something that already belongs to us, and is special to us, which we give to a lover. Even cards are gifts.
Flowers are a great gift – Representing life, they are one of the best gifts. Flowers are the reproductive and sexual organs of plants, so it is in a way fascinating, and natural, that they are a wonderful gift to display love.
- Love language number 4 – Acts of Service
This can include household chores, and/or helping your lover with anything they need done.
From something small, to something large, the more things you could help with, the better.
- Love language number 5 – Physical touch
Hugs, caresses, kisses, holding hands in public, lovemaking.
We need human touch, and to share physical energy, especially when we love someone, or are in love.
Try new touches, in new places..
According to this concept, of the 5 Love Languages, when marriages and relationships start to break down it is when two lovers aren’t talking to each other, and expressing their love for each other, in their lover’s primary love language.
John’s primary love language may be words of affirmation, but Jane may not be giving him any words of affirmation. Jane may be offering to spend lots of time with John, because her primary love language is quality time.
But John doesn’t recognise this, and thinks that his showering her with words of affirmation should make Jane feel loved.
Jane feels unloved, because as much as John speaks words of affirmation to her, he is not giving her what she wants – which is quality time together.
Or another example:
Mary feels unloved because she isn’t receiving as much physical affection as she’d like. Her primary love language is physical touch.
Dave isn’t touching Mary in the ways she’d like, which isn’t just sex – Mary would love hugs, caresses, and kisses.
Instead, Dave always does everything for her. Dave’s primary love language seems to be acts of service. He takes out the trash, helps clean the house, does the gardening. As much as she appreciates this, now Mary doesn’t have as many tasks that she would like to do, as Dave has done them all of the time, so she is getting bored – And to make matters worse, Mary isn’t feeling the physical touch that she needs to feel loved.
They are both speaking different love languages.
“Since love is such a deep emotional need, the lack of it is such a deep emotional pain.”
– Gary Chapman
Once we can find out what our own primary love language is, and importantly, what our partner’s primary love language is, then we can have a better relationship.
And find the secret to love that lasts..
It was an interesting read (or, in this case, listen), and had a fair few concepts that we could all relate to.
I could definitely relate to the 5 Love Languages, as they are all something that all of us need.
I’m not sure if we could say though that each person has a primary love language, which all of the time, they need love to be expressed mostly in that language.
I’d say it’s more of providing a balanced approach, that we all need to be spoken to in these five love languages, and at some times more in one language than another.
Sometimes you may notice your lover wants more quality time together, sometimes more words of affirmation, or sometimes they might like more physical touch. It’s about providing a balance that assures that you and your lover’s energies are in harmony.
In the book, the author gives examples of couples he has met, who after telling them of the 5 Love Languages, they have discovered each other’s love language, and improved and strengthened their relationship.
So when put into practise, there are so many cases where it definitely works.
I think some people may have a primary love language that their lover can become aware of, and then begin to speak to them in that language.
And I think other people speak all five of the love languages equally, or more or less equally – and that at different times may be seeking love in more of one language, or two languages, than any of the others.
Whatever your take on the concept of Love Languages, it’s an interesting book, and well worth a read.