Sex, and Feelings
8 January 2018
It’s always hard when writing a blog like this not to fall into the trap of being too stereotypical in my views about people.
After all, with some 6 billion people on the planet, coming from a variety of ethnic and cultural backgrounds, speaking different languages, and doing things different ways, there can hardly be one single type of woman or homogenous type of man. Even people in the same road, in the same city, in the same house, are not the same…
Anyway, there have been more than enough books and articles written on the differences in people… and more especially the differences between men and women — both in their everyday outlook on life, its problems, foibles and joys and pleasures.
So, suffice to say, we are all biologically similar but emotionally different, yet still sharing some common characteristics and traits. One of the differences between men and women, in general, is when it comes to sex and feelings.
Yes, of course, men can feel love, and love completely, though often not as much as women. And of course like I said, I’m trying not to take a stereotypical view and/or over-generalise!
It seems, in general, men can have sex without as much feelings, as if it’s a more physical thing; whereas women experience sex as a whole experience, bringing with it feelings of love. Some have said ‘Men love so they can have sex; women have sex so they can have love.’
Nature can seem unfair – with a lot of men wanting to have sex without feelings, just sticking their dick anywhere they please; and women feeling the urge to settle down, get married, and have babies. And to be in love..
Of course this can often be quite the opposite!! — I do also see a lot of clients who are looking for something casual, fully for the sexual pleasure, though every male they’ve found seems to fall in love with them and want to get married! And that’s why they find me, to find what they are looking for. So like I said, no over-generalisations here!
If I look back, from my own experiences growing up, much boys’ awareness about girls and the attraction to them was purely physical. Sure there may have been the odd crush or two but the end game as it were, for almost every young man, was to see just how far he could get with his attempts at sexual conquest before the young lady in question blocked his efforts…
In many ways, this never changes through late teens and into a typical male’s twenties or at least until he is in a steady relationship or married. Even then, infidelity knows no bounds for most men and, given the opportunity to ‘score’ and not let their partner know what has been happening unfortunately happens a lot. Indeed, the annals of history are littered with adulterous men who just had to have a fling, only to subsequently find out the recipients of their lust came back to haunt them and possibly destroy their family life and career!
It used to be that young women were more cautious about being intimate on a casual basis — partly to avoid, quite unfairly really, being labelled as easy and partly to ensure no unwanted pregnancies with their life changing effects occurred.
Yet, from my observations it was also to do with the fact that women tend to be looking for the emotional stability that a good relationship can offer; looking for longevity with someone they can relate to. Maybe someone they can start a family with. In other words, women spend their time looking for the sometimes elusive, magical, wonderful feelings that only love can deliver… and when they can’t find it, they can always seek that ecstasy from someone like me!
So while it seems that throughout history, men have many sexual partners, for “sex without feelings” and women don’t — well, times are changing, and women are now realising that they have the freedom to do what they want, and to have fun when they want. After all, Cyndi Lauper did say in her famous song of the early 80’s “Girls just want to have fun..” (written and first recorded by Robert Hazard in 1979).
A lot of women don’t want to settle down with a partner.. Or they may have already done that, and it didn’t work out in the end, or was good while it lasted, and then ended.
So maybe you want to let your hair down, be free, and have fun! That’s great. Though you still have to be aware of feelings, because it’s good to be able to enjoy yourself, and have a great time, but that urge to settle down, fall in love, can spring up when you least expect it.
Sometimes it can be hard to deal with feelings. I have some clients who may see me for a while, and then develop feelings for me, and have to stop seeing me.
It’s important to know that feelings are natural, and can be wonderful of course. It’s perfectly natural for some sort of feelings to develop when two people are intimate, especially if they get along well, or feel a connection. Though when you’d like to be in control of your life, and be free to do what you want, only to have feelings come along and make you have to stop having the best sex of your life, and enjoying good companionship.. Well then feelings can be a real pest!
It’s important to acknowledge your feelings, but to try and be able to manage them, or keep them in check, if you will. At times a very hard thing to do, but it can be very rewarding. I have clients who I’ve seen for many years, who have different ways to ‘keep their feelings in check,’ so that they can enjoy doing what they want to do.
You are in control, You have the power! You deserve to feel wonderful, and that’s a good thing.
